I've been Had!!

Well my new realtionship is great i am not complainning (yet) but its funny how after my last blog about how I wish things wouldn't change, things are now changing. Small things like I sleep less at his place and before he would not care to stay after his hockey games with the boys and now it is a concern of his. Those things aren't bothering me but I can feel the changes coming on. I hate that- when men act all perfect and give up anything for you at first then slowly start reverting back to their single ways. They trick you!! You think you found the one man in the universe willing to not be like every other guy, he sucks you in, the whameee the "boys nights, etc" creep back slowly! You just feel jipped in the end. Im not at that point yet but I am expectting it! (and yes I am in a bitter mood!)

Shoe to Drop

I am enjoying my new relationship n every way possible. My new man is everything I have been looking for, for a long time. He is like my check list; sexy, smart, athletic, motivated, educated, sweet, sexual, the list goes on…He gets along with my friends, my parents like him and I can spend many days with him without needing a break. Yes we have had discussions and mini-fights but I have nothing really to complain about which is very strange for me. I guess you would say I am in the honeymoon phase. Everyone says that this phase does not last and just wait until things start to annoy you. This whole cycle I have been through MANY TIMES makes me sad and ill. I don’t want this to be like every other guy. This one is different. How do you break the cycle…the 8 month post-honeymoon transition where everything gets bad and those butterflies go away? I know a lot of it has to do with hormones and pheromones. I wish this was not the case. I would give anything to feel the butterflies forever. I know that is not possible but maybe there is another way? I hope so because I’m sick of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

damn you phone!!!

I really hate games....I have written about the calling game last year when I was first hooking up with my ex, i hated the waitting and calling game. Now I am going through it again and it boggles my mind the games people play. I understand people don't want to seem too deperate or needy but it comes to a point where if you don't show interest the other person may lose their interest. What I need is a happy medium...just call when you say your going to call and don't use lame excuses for not seeing me (like packing). Thats not too much too ask!!!!

COTTAGES

I love going to my cottage. I love everything about it....1-the car ride there (the habitual stop at the big Mcdonalds and the depaneur in the village before my cottage for fireworks, beer and condoms....lol).2- The food we bring such great BBQ's, snacks and BROWNIES!!! 3- I love the fact that we all interac together...we play games (scrabble, YATZEEEEEEEEEEEEE, Asshole, etc) and have so much fun, even when people cheat...lol..) 4- RELAXING without computers, cell phones or interuptions 5- The best sleeps ever with no hang over 6- not worrying about anything, you are so far away that nothing can be done so all you can do is sit back and enjoy 7- The bonfire...sitting around getting FUCKED UP while telling stupid stories or playing the alphabet game 8- Swimming to the big rock or windsurfing, canoeing, sailboatting...anything in the water is amazing!!! 9- The lack of the need to wear makeup, dress up or put any effort in your appearance is great!!! 10- Just being with my friends all together and making memories that will stick with you forever is the best part about the cottage!!! I hope for more memories to come no matter what happens in out lives we should always make time for cottages no matter who you are!!

TO MY LOVED ONES

Friendships are super important to me. I would say that I am a die hard friend. When you are friends with me; I stick up for you, I back you up, I am there for you no questions asked and I NEVER let a man get in between my friendships. I believe true friendships are not about social climbing and to see how many you can aquire, but are about being who you trully are and finding out about yourself and others by your companions. I have been friends with my core group; Jenn, Kat, Sophy, Mary and LIsa since I was 12. That is almost 15 years...it goes by fast. I have also been friends with Carolyn and Lauren since I was 7...now that 17 years!!! (there are others you know who you are slut buddy:))Not many people can say they are still friends with the same people as they were 15 years ago consistently (and I don't mean you e-mail the person and you are still in contact, I mean real friends). This forms an unbreakible bond and a sence of security in which you feel you can conqure and face anything. These friends know me inside and out and accept me no matter what happens or what challenges we face. Although, I do enjoy meeting new people and have recently made new wonderfull friends. Breaking off from the group does not mean we are any less close but we do have seperate lives which is great thing. However, we do all make that special effort every week to call, e-mail and get together. I never question what I have with them!!!I wish my types of friendships upon everyone.

Loves and Losses

It is so hard to Love and Lose....Especially when there is no explanation for the loss. Boyfriends and friends alike-it is hard to let go of some of them go. You share so much in relationships....humours, inside jokes, tears, your hopes and dreams just to have it just finally end. You think you can deal with it ending easily, but some of us can't. WHat's worse is that you cannot expalin how you feel to others and others don't understand. They don't understand the hurt that goes along with letting people go or the hurt of trying to hold on. Trying to hold on to something old has recently given me some pain. I guess I was nieve to think that person still held something for me as well...being wrong did hurt the ego but in the end I think things ended as they should....what's meant to be will happen right? It's just hard to admit to yourself that someone you care about does not care about you in the same way. But I guess its better to put yourself out there for love then to ignore it...The only things worth it in life are either risky or something you have to work at!!! I truly believe that.

What's on my mind today is living. I recently had a death in the family which has made it more clear yet again that we are not invincible and yes one day we will die. Sad and Depressing, I know. But what is more depressing is the thought that I do not necessarily feel alive right now. I feel like I am going through the motions. School, work, car payments, visa dept, phone bill, stress, etc. The list goes on. Of course I have my friends, fun times and leisure activities. But somehow, I don't feel ALIVE!! I am not sure what it missing....I am not a crazy risky person, bumgy jumping and sky diving don't appeal to me. Although I have heard that can make you feel alive (could it be because you have the risk of dying?!?!). Would drinking a cup of bleach have the same affect after you wake up from getting your stomach pumped??? Anyways maybe I am being a brat and not appreciating what I do have...Great friends, my health, family and the luck of living in a great country!!! Needless to say I could create some more excitement....LETS GO STREAKING!!!

Men that are THERE

What does "there" mean.....
How of times have you met a guy, hit it off only then to realize there is something wrong. He doesn't have his own place, he is not ambitious, he isin't romantic enough, he is self absorbed, he isin't tall enough, etc. And, how many times you you think "this will change in time", "I can fix him", or "that won't bug me in a year"? I can bet most of you have. What I want to know is where are the men that are not in transission, where are the men that are "there"?. Grown up, have their own places, RRSP's. Money in the bank, ambittion, appreciative, giving, and likes to spend time with your friends, etc. Out of all the men I know I cannot fully say that there is one man who is "there" yet. It really scares me. Women have fought so strong to be self sufficient and independant but has that made our men lazy????? Now that they do not have to be the bread winners, has their sence of ambittion become over drawn by their sence of laziness. That is a scary thought!! What is even scarier is the thought of meeting a guy who is "there" and how to deal with him!!!!!